Have you ever felt such as you have been being focused or handled extremely poorly by somebody however with none specific or apparent proof of a downside? The likelihood is that this particular person was a passive-aggressive individual in the direction of you.
Passive-aggression refers to habits the place a person expresses their anger or resentment in the direction of others or conditions not directly. It will be a surprisingly dangerous and really poisonous trait to be round. So how are you going to spot somebody who acts this manner? Here are 11 behaviors that reveal a passive-aggressive individual.
1. They Give You Compliments That Aren’t Compliments
Compliments are nice to obtain, however they’re additionally simple to make use of as instruments as a result of they’re so universally understood and appreciated. Luckily, it’s normally comparatively simple to inform when one thing’s simply a little bit “off” about a particular praise.
Passive-aggressive individuals usually use back-handed compliments, or non-compliments, to get their message throughout. You’ll hear what appears like good phrases, however you’ll get the instinctual feeling that they aren’t truly good.
- Excellent work on the market for a lady.
- Great pasta. I barely even tasted all that salt!
- I like your shirt. I had one identical to it in highschool.
- Your artwork is… attention-grabbing. I’m positive somebody will prefer it.
- It’s fairly good. I feel my requirements are simply increased.
Studies have delved into the world of backhanded compliments and their delivery in the past, with the consensus being that non-compliments are most commonly delivered by those who want to state their case while sounding positive. They may:
- Want to assert their superiority or authority
- Reduce the motivation or ruin the mood of the recipient of the “compliment.”
- Seek to insult you due to their grievances with you
No matter which way you look at it, though, backhanded compliments are always passive-aggressive. If your reaction to a compliment is adverse, you may have to examine the person’s words and determine if they’re kind or cruel.
2. They Always Deny The Actual Problem
Passive-aggressive people are all about hiding true intentions and feelings. They resort to passive-aggression because they don’t know how or don’t want to address actual problems. They shy away from conflict and anger, so they seek to get their message across by vehemently insisting there’s nothing wrong.
Confusing? It certainly is, and that’s why passive-aggressive behavior is so frustrating to deal with. You can directly ask a person like this if something’s wrong, and they’ll always say “no.” You can even get very specific about what you think they’re upset about, and they’ll still deny it!
If someone keeps insisting that they’re fine when they obviously aren’t, don’t bother engaging with them further. It would be best if you didn’t coddle them as this will encourage them to repeat the behavior. Communicate with them that you need their positive honesty and leave the door open for them to be genuine, but don’t give them extra allowances or go the extra mile to read their mind.
3. They Blame Others
Passive-aggressive people are reluctant to take any responsibility for anything negative, even when everyone knows they’re the ones responsible. They essentially seek to blame everyone around them for the actions they performed and may say things like:
- You’re such a perfectionist. You’re never satisfied!
- I would have done it differently if you’d just said something.
- How was I supposed to know about that?
- Everyone always expects the impossible out of me! It’s not fair!
- I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you aren’t good at making jokes.
4. They Leave Things Unfinished
Passive-aggressive people tend to procrastinate or leave things incomplete. This is their indirect way of telling you that they resent having to do this job at all and wish they didn’t need to. It’s a very commonly known passive-aggressive trait, according to studies. For instance, they may:
- Wash the dishes however by no means put them away
- Do the laundry however not fold them or put them away
- Build furnishings however go away the final piece unassembled
- Paint the partitions however go away one space unpainted
- Please take out the trash however go away it in entrance of the door as an alternative of within the bin outdoors
The purpose of a passive-aggressive one who does that is to make you so sick of it that you simply do it your self. After all, should you have been to question them, they’d have the ability to use the work they’ve executed to show their kind-heartedness.
5. They Withdraw
A passive-aggressive individual, as we’ve coated, doesn’t wish to admit how they really feel brazenly. Instead, they withdraw into themselves and sulk, usually in pronounced methods, as if inviting others to realize perception into their true emotions.
This appears harmless at first, particularly should you fear about them and see them behaving on this brooding manner. But it’s truly a quiet manipulation tactic used to elicit a response from you. Passive-aggressive individuals need you to reply to them in a sure manner, making an attempt to realize your sympathy and a focus whereas altering the room’s total temper to go well with their personal whims.
6. They Talk About Wishing For Things
Everyone has needs, however passive-aggressive individuals will brazenly want for every little thing. This is a type of hinting for them. They state their wishes, usually for unusual issues, as an alternative of immediately asking you for what they need.
Worse nonetheless, they at all times finish on a dramatic notice, saying they’re positive it received’t occur as they want or that it’s simply wishful considering. For instance:
- “How I wish someone would help me finish all this! Too bad everyone’s so busy, they could never spare a moment to help someone like me.”
- “I’m so hungry. I wish I’d bought lunch as nice as yours. Oh well, it’s too late for me to go back and change the past now, so it’s all wishful thinking…”
- “All I want is to be able to have someone cover my shift this weekend! But I guess that’s way too much to ask for.”
- “I wish someone would donate their old computer to me! But that’d never happened, I suppose. Not to me.”
It will be very irritating to listen to this stuff, and also you would possibly even fall into the entice of giving in to their acknowledged needs. Hold your floor, and don’t have interaction! You need a passive-aggressive individual to be compelled to resort to correct, constructive communication, not get what they need by dropping hints.
7. They’re Always Late
Passive-aggressive individuals don’t normally respect anybody else’s time. They’re late to something and every little thing and don’t care that they’re. They’ll usually even act stunned after they transform the final one to reach. But why do they do it? It could also be as a result of:
- They have resentment for the individuals they’re meeting with
- They don’t wish to go to no matter plans they’ve made
- They wish to get some consideration for one thing
8. They Make Countless Excuses
Passive-aggressive individuals must do all types of questionable issues to get their messages throughout with out saying their statements. Over time, somebody will inevitably question their motives. When that point comes round, excuses spill forth from their mouths!
A passive-aggressive individual will make a big selection of various excuses, typically clearly false, largely meant to elicit sympathy. They could cite an ailing relative, attempt to get sympathy by discussing poor psychological well being, and even blame others. Typically, their excuses might be troublesome to question or contradict with out coming throughout as imply, which is strictly why they use them.
9. They Insult You Covertly
We’ve talked about backhanded compliments – however what about covert insults? These are generally utilized by passive-aggressive individuals who have a bone to select with you however aren’t courageous sufficient to deal with their points immediately. They will disguise insults as one thing much less malicious, usually by pretending to be form. For instance, they may say:
- “No offense, but…”
- “I don’t want to sound judgemental, but…”
- “This may come across as mean, but…”
- “I hope this isn’t too insensitive, but…”
- “I’m mostly joking, so…”
- “You’re going to hate me saying this, but…”
- “I mean no disrespect, but…”
These disclaimers added to the entrance of their insults are simply meant to be simple escape clauses from them. You can cease this from progressing additional by telling them you don’t wish to hear it earlier than they get previous the “but” a part of the assertion or by asking them to talk freely and with extra constructive strategies.
10. The Masquerade As Cooperative
When passive-aggressive individuals are resentful or don’t wish to do one thing, they’ll attempt to act as if they’re cooperative, even after they’re not. This permits them to faux to be a part of the staff whereas they take out their annoyance on you not directly. They would possibly:
- Outright say that they’ll adjust to one thing, solely by no means to do it.
- Cite their inexperience as a purpose for them to sit down out to keep away from getting in your manner.
- Do dangerous jobs for his or her duties, forcing others to redo them.
- Claiming to be making an attempt to assist however secretly sabotaging efforts left and proper.
- Creating false proof of their work.
- Feign ignorance when known as out for not doing what they need to be doing.
11. They Use The Silent Treatment
The silent remedy is a very dangerous and poisonous factor. It can shortly erode constructive considering, usually dropping vanity and isolating victims of such remedy. This might be why passive-aggressive individuals love utilizing it a lot. They can keep away from addressing precise issues whereas ensuring the individuals they’re offended at discerning their message, loud and clear.
When a passive-aggressive individual feels resentful of you, they could provide the chilly shoulder, ignoring your phrases, calls, and texts and refusing to talk to you immediately. If known as out, they’ll cite tiredness or another excuse, because it’s fairly troublesome guilty somebody for merely being quiet.
Final Thoughts On Some Behaviors That Reveal A Passive-Aggressive Personality
Passive-aggressive individuals are irritating to take care of, and their lack of communication can injury relationships within the long-run. If you understand somebody who usually behaves in a passive-aggressive manner, attempt to talk your want for an open dialogue. Don’t be afraid to chop passive-aggressive individuals out of your life. You don’t want the drain in your constructive considering!